


Vacation Games

by scotchfairy



Category: Captain Harlock
Genre: Excessive Alcohol Consumption, Gen, Illustrations, mechanic's power words, paintball mayhem, recreational use of explosives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29178819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scotchfairy/pseuds/scotchfairy
Summary: Parked on a freetrader planet, the crew of the Arcadia that isn't busy making repairs on the ship keep themselves entertained with a series of misadventures.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	1. Morning Briefing

**Author's Note:**

> Captain Harlock, Oyama Tochiro, First Mate Yattaran, Engineering Chief Maiji, and the rest of the Arcadia's crew, as well as the Arcdia itself, are the creations Matsumoto Leiji. I use them without permission and with abject apologies, Matsumoto-sensei. The events in this story are the product of my cracked brain.  
> Source material: Space Symphony Maetel, Cosmowarrior Zero, Harlock78. Story is placed after CWZ, just after the move from Death Shadow to Arcadia. Tochiro is still alive.
> 
> If you notice Harlock and especially Tochiro swearing more than you're used to, I've spent a lot of time listening to the original voice tracks. The captions are bawdlerized. Tochiro has a filthy mouth, and while Harlock isn't as bad, he does swear. 
> 
> 19 Feb 2021: Illustrations will be posted with their chapter from now on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Assassination should always be committed after morning coffee.

**Morning Briefing**

Harlock smirked at his officers gathered in the conference room. He leaned back in his seat, put his feet up on the table and took a gulp of coffee. "The coffee's safe," he rumbled. "I made sure that Miss Masu understands that the annual Game of Assassin doesn't start until after everyone's had breakfast. Or at least coffee. So there won't be a repeat of last year's upset when she won before most of you were properly awake."

The officers sighed in relief and as a mass rushed the coffee and pastries. They knew it might be the last food that was safe to eat today, outside of anything they had stashed in their cabins or had managed to steal from the galley stores last night. Harlock shook his head as he watched them. Way to give Masu incentive to poison you, children.

As the pirates drifted back to the conference table the talk seemed to mostly center on who was going to be subsisting on ration bars and instant ramen, and who had scored better grub.

Right, time for business.

Harlock sat up. "As you all know, today is the annual shipwide Game of Assassin, an exercise meant to make our crew of brilliant misfits aware of security concerns aboard the ship. And bleed off resentments, since everyone is fair game. A recap for those who are too hungover too remember: this Game is played with paint guns. Any "accidental" laser hits will result in time doing the nastiest scut work that Chief Maji, Tochiro and myself and devise. Everyone who "dies" by paint splat gets to sit out the rest of the game down in the forward hold, which I know you rapscallions have made into bar and lounge. Exceptions are Engineering crew assigned to work crews today," there was a sigh from the room, "Medical," a whimper, "and our skeleton crew of bridge, gunner and space wolf positions. Sorry folks, you'll have to wait until your shift is done to start drinking." He heard groans and curses in a multiplicity of languages.

Harlock smirked and let the complaints slowly die down. No one was really surprised. They'd set down on this Freetrader planet to do repairs. That Game Day happened to fall during their planetfall just added to the challenge.

Engineering Chief Maji nudged the Captain and asked, "What did you hoard away this time?" Harlock's smirk bloomed into an evil grin. "Didn't have to. I bribed Miss Masu with a shopping trip to the downside spice market. **My** food will be safe to eat. And since we're here planetside, I'll be having lamb kebabs, salad and rice pilaf." Gazes from further down the table were starting to focus on the Captain with laser intensity. "And those strawberries we brought up? She dipped them in chocolate. Those have to be eaten quick, so I expect I'll have quite a few of them for dessert."

There was a definite rumble coming from the crowd of gathered officers. As they all started to draw weapons, Harlock threw himself backwards and rolled for the doorway. The annoyed pirates started to charge after him, but the Arcadia's Captain slapped the door close button and then peeled off his right gauntlet. Holding his palm against the door control plate he said, "Door Lock, Emergency measures, Hold for ten minutes."

Harlock couldn't help laughing as he ran down the corridor while pulling his glove back on. The lock wouldn't last anywhere close to ten minutes with the Engineering Chief in there. But it should be long enough to give him time to run for the first of his bolt holes on the ship.

His earbud chirped to life and Tochiro's voice tickled his ear. "Maybe you shouldn't have **bragged** , Harlock."

"Ehn, it gives them incentive to try and hunt me down."

"If you say so, my friend. I'll be waiting with the good beer."

Harlock grinned, "Liquid breakfast after all. At least I got my coffee first."

On his way, the Captain took down four intrepid crewmembers who had been waiting for him in the corridors. They really were getting better at this.


	2. Game On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warfare in the Arcadia's corridors

Over the next few hours, Harlock and Tochiro amused themselves by flitting between hiding spots, making sure to hit one or two opponents with a paint splat just to make sure the crew kept hunting for them. In between, they watched the growing chaos over the ship's monitors. 

Yattaran, the First Mate, was taken out in the first few minutes of the Game. Yattaran shrugged and went back to his model building. He considered the Game of Assassin a big nuisance. Anyone coming to **actually** invade the ship would get blown to tiny pieces, if the First Mate had any say about it. Screw these sims.

The Bridge was off-limits to players, and the boundary was enforced. As a group of gunners thinking to lay down an ambush for Harlock found out. When they tried to pass the armored door to the bridge, autofire guns just inside the doorway rained paint pellets onto anyone not wearing an electronic pass. In other words, anyone not actually assigned to bridge duty. Someone was going to be unhappy getting cleanup duty on that corridor.

The Engineering gang stuck together as one squad and made good progress at first. Then someone shot their least favorite workmate in the back, and the melee began. Chief Maji managed to duck into an alleyway between machinery, escaping the general masacre.

The gunners and Space Wolf pilots both started out with about a third of their numbers on duty. Then the gunners tried to force the bridge and reduced their numbers further. The survivors clung to the pilots' shadows, which was allowed because at least the guys could shoot straight.

Everyone crept around Tochiro's workshop with extreme caution. No one really wanted to find out what surprises the little Professor had left for trespassers. Which meant it was a safe spot for Tochiro to duck into while crawling through the ventilation ducts. He'd only had to shoot three people while in the ducts--most of the crew couldn't squeeze in here. Tochiro slipped into his work room and gathered up a bandoleer of paint bombs. After a moment's consideration, he slung two multifire paint rifles over his shoulders and then ghosted back out through the vents.

Harlock had ditched his cloak in his quarters. Looking imposing was well and good, but he needed to move fast and he hated trying to clean paint stains out of the cloak. He was still a shadow flitting from dark spot to dark spot in the corridors. He turned a corner and found himself facing an entirely empty corridor. After a pause to listen for anyone blundering along, he began to walk down the hallway, his long strides carrying him faster and faster. He was almost in the clear when Chief Maji stepped out in front of him. 

Stopping so fast he skidded, Harlock whipped up his paintball gun, already firing as he spun away. Maji cursed. Harlock ducked into a doorway and peeked out. Maji was standing in the middle of the corridor, wiping at the paint splattered across the left side of his face. Harlock grinned. _I did it again._

"Sorry Chief. Shouldn't have surprised me. You know I aim for the head in real combat."

"Double-tapped me, you void-cursed maniac!"

"Sorry."

"No, you're not, Captain."

"Not really. See you in the bar later."

"Fuck you with a engine shaft calibrator, Captain, Sir," the Chief replied with a snort.

Harlock made it to the storage cubby that Tochiro had set up as a hidden security station without another encounter. Tochiro looked up from the display he was seated in front of, "Saw that one. Nice shot." The little engineer tossed him one of the rifles he'd brought. "We still have to find and take out the Gunner/Pilot alliance. Figure these are just the thing."

Harlock took a look and glanced at his partner, "Full auto?"

Tochiro nodded.

"Niiiiiiice. That'll do. You found them yet?"

Tochiro made a face. "They've been quiet for a while. Can't last too long, because the Cargo crew is also hunting for them." His grin turned feral, "Cargo's been wanting to beat on the Pilots for a while now."

Harlock nodded. "Yeah. Shall we let them reduce their numbers, first?"

"Want a beer?"

"What a good idea. I'm thirsty from all that running."

Before they went out to destroy the Pilots and Gunners, Tochiro reached back behind him and dragged out two long rods.

"These might be good, too."

Harlock frowned. "What are they?"

"Paint marking sticks. We use them in Engineering to mark hazards and damage. The holders let us get a longer reach without sticking our hands into the machinery."

Harlock's eyes widened. "Paint swords?"

"Exactly, my friend. Something we've never tried before."

Harlock shifted his grasp on the rod. "Hah. Let's try them." He made a sudden whipping motion towards the back wall. As he backed away, Tochiro saw an "H" drawn almost like a star.

"Let's go kick some ass."

The Cargo wranglers found the Pilot/Gunner group down near the fighter hangar and the fight was on. The Gunners realized they might have supported the wrong faction in the fight and switched sides. As the Pilots scrabbled for hiding spots behind, under and around their fighters, the Gunners began to pick them off. The Cargo folks simply swarmed any Pilot they could see. It was a bad day for the Pilots.

Harlock and Tochiro exchanged a nod and stepped out into the fray. There was a frozen moment of " _Oooh_ _shit_ " before the combatants all wheeled to face the pair. Tochiro grinned and tossed a paint bomb into the crowd. "Better spread out, kids!" he crowed.

Harlock blew out of breath, "Damn, if you keep that up, there won't be any left for me to fight," he murmured to Tochiro.

"Yeah, well here they come!" Tochiro whipped out his rifle. "Yeehaw! Come and get some!"

Harlock set his rifle to burst and started picking opponents off in rapid progression, standing back-to-back with Tochiro. *p-p-phut* *p-p-phut* _Oh look, some of them are trying to run away. Finally._ Tochiro tossed another paint bomb after them, just because.

Now, advance and lose their defensive position or...oh. The fleeing Cargo and Gunners made sure to take out any cowering Pilots left. And anyone else in the hangar trying to hide. _Good tactic. They'd learned something from boardings. Let's just hope they don't shoot our own guys when retreating during a real boarding._ _Okay, the crew's had enough fun. Time for the two of us to show these folks scary bezerker pirates._


	3. To the Bitter End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There can only be one winner. Unless they're pirates.

"Let's show these folks _scary_ bezerker pirates."

"Hell yeah!"

Harlock tossed the gun experimentally in his left hand. "Bless you, Tochiro. One handed grip."

Tochiro grinned, "Of course. Why'd you think I brought the marking sticks? I suppose I could have built bayonets onto the guns, but this setup is way cooler."

Harlock regarded his crew, who were using pirate logic and running away from something that could take them down. "Looks like we've culled out all the brave and stupid ones. Let's go."

"Yeehaw!"

This was annoying. The paint marker might make a sword close up, but it was nothing like his gravity saber. He should have just carried two guns. "Cover me?" he yelled. Tochiro took that as the cue to start throwing paint grenades again. In the pause, Harlock shoved the paint stick in his belt, flipped the autogun to his right hand and drew his regular paint pistol with his left. _Much better. Now, let the beating begin._

Two of the Cargo girls who had hidden up high suddenly broke cover to throw a small can of paint at the bezerkers. Harlock grabbed Tochiro by the back of the collar and whipped the two of them out of the wave of simulated death.

"Ow! Choking me!"

"But you're not dead!"

_That was sneaky. Good girls._ He saluted them with his gun, then started shooting. From the shieks and laughter, it sounded like he and Tochiro hit them. _Time to advance out of this open area._

The section door was where anyone waiting to ambush them would be lurking. Harlock holstered his pistol and stuck his hand out. "Tochiro! I need a grenade!" Tochiro smacked the paint bomb into his hand and kept shooting. Harlock wound up and threw, aiming for just inside the doorway. From the shouts and curses that rang out, it appeared that he'd gotten rid of most of the ambushers.

They split up, each darting for shelter in opposite corners of the section door. Harlock gave Tochiro a droll look. "My friend, shooting me **now** would not give you an easy win."

"SH SH SH SH. I wouldn't dream of it, Harlock. You're such a good shield."

"And you're such a good decoy, you lunatic."

"Ready?"

"Go!"

The pirates darted up to the edge of the doorway and started shooting past each other into the next compartment to clear out any stragglers still hiding back there.

Tochiro started chanting with each hit, "34. 35. 36. 37. Five left!"

"That includes us!"

"Yeah!"

"You just want my dinner!"

"Damn straight, I do! Forget about winning this Game, I can tag you anytime. I know where you sleep!"

"Aaigh! Everyone on this ship knows that!"

"Maybe you should be nicer!"

It should have been impossible to make a rude gesture with both hands filled with guns, but Harlock was a master. He managed it.

Tochiro looked out at the empty compartment. "Damn. It's a bug hunt now."

Harlock glanced down, "Knowing you, you've got a solution for that."

"Sort of. Let's get out of this open _Please Shoot Me_ space and I'll tell you."

Back through the ship to Tochiro's workshop, nerves pulled tight. As they turned the corner, someone was waiting for them. _Splat!_ Harlock helped the boy up off the floor and said, "That was a good play. You actually thought about who you were hunting. A little more practice shooting and you might get me." The kid blushed and mumbled something that sounded like _ThankyouCaptain_ , then ran off.

"What? I'm not _always_ a jerk to my crew."

Tochiro smiled, "No, you're not. And now we just have two more to find."

In his room, Tochiro waved a ring of displays active. "Where are you hiding, little mice? OOoooh! One of them has set up an ambush right outside the forward hold compartment door. Just waiting for any would-be winner to come in, eh? Haven't spotted the other yet." Harlock snapped fresh cartridges of paint pellets into their guns while Tochiro scanned the viewscreens. "They're probably moving around," Harlock guessed. The little engineer tilted his head and murmured, "Agree. Trying to spot him--her. Found her. Last one of the sneaky Cargo girls that almost got us earlier."

Harlock smiled. "Maybe we should put her through gunner or pilot training. She and her friends seem to be smarter than some of our current crop."

Tochiro snorted. "If she's that smart, train her to lead one of the boarding parties. Dr. Zero would thank you for putting someone intelligent in charge."

"Noted. How do we want to do this?"

Tochiro leaned towards the display. "Huh. She was just back by your quarters and is looping back. Check for traps before you go back there, Harlock. Really sneaky. She's on her way down to Engineering, probably to set a trap here."

Harlock picked up his guns. "By all means, let's go out and greet her. We can tell her about her promotion after we've shot the hell out of her."

"Harlock, I thought you were being nice!"

"She's fighting like a pirate, I'm going to treat her like one."

Harlock stood by the doorway. Tochiro was counting off, "At the elevator. At the corner starboard of here. 20 meters. 10 meters. 5 meters. 3--" Harlock whipped the door open and snapped off a grouping of shots. _Missed. But she has no cover, keep shooting. Hah, got her that time._

"Damnit!" Harlock reached out and caught her fist before she punched the bulkhead, turning the girl to face him. _Ah, one from the most recent set of recruits_. He let go of her immediately.

"Careful. If you break your hand, you'll have to wait until you heal up before you can start combat training."

The girl's head jerked up, her green eyes wide. "Combat training?"

"Part of the point of this exercise is to look for weak spots. And to identify things we're doing right, but need more work. You and your gang almost got us earlier. Thinking under fire means you're ready for more than just moving cargo."

Harlock's eyes narrowed. "Now what the hell did you leave at my quarters?"

The girl-- _Cat, that's what the crew called her._ Cat colored and dropped her gaze, "Uh, be careful walking down the corridor. There are three pressure sensitive paint bombs on the floor. Step on one and you get soaked."

Tochiro stuck his head out the door, "Why aren't you in Engineering, Lady?"

Cat shrugged. "Never worked on big ships."

Tochiro smiled his supernova grin. "Come make bombs with me! I know you wanna blow things up!"

Almost no one was immune to Tochiro in that mood. Poor Cat wasn't. "Uh, sure. Yeah," she breathed.

Harlock patted her on the shoulder. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. We have a Game to finish."

Cat nodded and scuttled off as fast as she could go. Harlock caught a glimpse of her watching them wide-eyed later from around the edge of a corner. _I see why they call you Cat._

Tochiro stepped out next to Harlock. "Ready to end this?"

"Yeah."

They bumped fists and started walking for the elevator.

"See him?"

Harlock tilted his head. "Yeah. Hiding in the shadow of the hold entrance."

"How do you want to do this?"

"Well, I could just throw you like a dwarf grenade of destruction and stroll on past after the explosions have died down."

"And I could stab you right now and go on to victory. Get a better plan, Harlock."

"Says the guy who likes to use me as a mobile shield in fights," the tall Captain chuckled. "Do you have any more of those paint bombs left?"

Tochiro ran his hand along the bandoleer across his chest. "Three...four of them. That enough for what you have in mind?"

"I'm going to use one to flush him out of that hiding spot. If he's smart enough to stay put, we'll use a second one to cover us closing in on him to make the kill."

"Got it. Wait a sec," the engineer snapped two mini grenades off his bandoleer. "Here's your bombs. May the best cut throat win."

Harlock grinned and quietly moved into place. Holding his hand high, he counted down with his fingers _three, two, one,_ then drew his arm back and threw, aiming above the boy's head. The paint bomb splattered on the open section seal, raining down neon doom. Harlock heard a thump as the kid slammed back against the bulkhead, and then a high-pitched, "Shit!"

Harlock and Tochiro rushed forward, Tochiro in front despite all the jokes. Both of them had the paint stick swords out again. Style points counted when the whole crew was watching. With Tochiro shooting low and Harlock firing high, the poor boy-- _Tommy_ , Harlock suddenly thought--had no chance. They each grabbed one of Tommy's arms and lifted him to his feet. And then in a blinding display of speed, both men spun and slashed at each other.

A roar went up from the crowd gathered in the temporary bar. "A draw! It's a draw!" Tommy staggered back, staring at the Captain and Weapons Master open mouthed. Harlock threw his head back and laughed, thumping the kid on the shoulder. "Don't feel bad, Tommy. You were the very last one left. And you picked a smart hiding place. Well done. Go have a drink."

As the boy ran for alcohol to soothe his shattered nerves and battered pride, Harlock shook his head. "Another smart one. I'll have to think about where to put him, since you've already claimed Cat."

Tochiro smirked. "I got the pretty one."

Harlock's eyebrows shot up. "Don't let Emeralda hear you saying that. Drink time?"

"Drink time!"

As they strolled into the bar, Miss Masu set a platter of chocolate-dipped strawberries on the table. "To the winners!" she shouted. Then she turned to Harlock and murmured, "But I hope you're planning to sharing them with everyone or you may find yourself targeted by folks with leftover paint pellets." Both Harlock and Tochiro held their hands up, "We'll share!" They knew when they'd met their match.

"And just think," Masu said, "Someone's going to have to clean up all the paint tomorrow. And it won't be me." Harlock looked around the room. Spotting Cat, he pointed at her. "Defuse your booby traps tonight before I go back there or you're on the cleanup detail tomorrow." Cat paled and saluted. "Yes, Sir."

There. All taken care of. Now he could drink and go pass out in his own quarters later. Pretty good for a training day. That just left two more days on this planet. Hopefully. _Not going to think about what disasters this pack of miscreants will cause by then._


	4. No One Knows What They Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock is disturbed to find his crew using strange shell-like discs as poker chips.

Harlock stretched his legs out beneath the small unoccupied table in the dockside bar. The moment he walked into the place, the crowd had shuffled, a spot simply appearing for him. Harlock smiled ruefully. Apparently no one wanted the Captain's notice this noontide.

The move from _Death Stalker_ to _Arcadia_ had separated him from the crew some more, as his reputation for being an insane but brilliant battle leader grew. And as Tochiro faded back from Ship's Master, teaching him the workings of their ship, to the Weapon's Master. And even further back lately, as his foster brother insisted there was nothing wrong with him, he as just upgrading the _Arcadia's_ computer systems. Yesterday's shipwide Game was the most active Tochiro had been in weeks. Troubling.

Of course, Harlock mused, his own attitude might be scaring people away. He considered the tall fruity drink the bartender had given him. It was apparently a local specialty. He took a sip through the ridiculous long straw and raised a brow. Not bad. Tasty even, despite looking like it was made with the Arcadia's reactor coolant. He noticed a couple people giving the hard-drinking pirate Captain odd looks and put on his _Say Something Stupid and G_ _et an Introduction to my Size 13 Boot_ expression. Yeah, the surly attitude could be why no one wanted to sit at his table.

Some of the _Arcadia's_ crew were sitting at the table next to him. After steeling himself against the thought that they were probably doing something stupid that would get them kicked out of port, he looked over and saw they were just playing poker. In fact, Tochiro's new apprentice Cat had just won the round. She tossed a chip in the air, catching it and flipping it between her fingers before sweeping up the heap.

Harlock frowned, squinting. _Those chips look_...he reached a long arm around Cat and picked a chip up off the table. Cat yelled "Hey!" then realized who's wrist she had grabbed and let go like her hand was burned.

Harlock examined the chip, turning it over in his red-gloved hand. The thing looked like a flattened spiral shell with a pearly green oxidized metallic finish. There was a spiral of opalescent claws or teeth, _unpleasant thought,_ along one side. "What ARE these things?" he asked Cat.

Cat shrugged. "They're all over the place here. No one knows what they are. Seashells, maybe?"

Harlock weighed the "shell" in his hand. _Thing's h_ eavy. He taps it against the table. _Rings like metal. Huh._ He took a long sip of his reactor coolant drink. _Damn. Just one day without a disaster would be nice._ Took another drink, set the remainder of the fruity thing down on the table with a decisive thump and nudged Cat.

"You haven't touched those with your bare hands?"

Cat gives him an odd look. "No." She holds up a hand to show the supple leather gloves she wore. Harlock nodded. "Good. How many different types of those shells have you been using?" She tilts her head. "Three...four?" "Good. Pick up one of each, and don't let them touch your skin. Here, wrap them in this napkin and stick them in a pocket. Don't let them touch anything on the ship either."

"The ship?"

"We're taking these back for Tochiro to have a look at. And since you're Tochiro's new student, you get to carry the samples."

Cat sighs. "So much for time out of the ship."

"Yeah well, my day just got trashed too."

Cat looked at the glass of fruity drink on the table. She pointed. "You're abandoning that?" At Harlock's curt nod, her hand shot out and grabbed the glass. "Let no alcohol go unrescued!" and drank down the last third of the glass.

" _Hrllg!_ Sweet!" she choked. Harlock's lips twitched, his brow rising to a dangerous angle. "Like your temper?" she squeaked, hunching down. Harlock snorted, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, let's go ruin your sensei's day."

Harlock took a look around the table, catching the crew's eyes. "New standing order," he said, holding up one of the "poker chips"for everyone to see. "Don't bring any of these things onto the ship without approval."

One of the pirates pulled a face. "Uh Captain. What if we _already_ brought some on board?"

Harlock sighed, gazing up at the empty Sea of Stars for a reason, any reason. _Of course, they brought them on board._ "Bring them to the Materials Testing Lab. And pass the order on." The pirates all nodded, starting to look disturbed.

As Harlock started for the door, he tapped his earbud. "Tochiro? Tochiro, I have a nasty puzzle for you."

Tochiro came on the line immediately. "Already? It usually takes you a few hours to find something threatening to the ship. Or the planet we're on. What is it this time?"

"I should probably wait until we're on board. Meet me in the Materials Testing Lab?"

"Yokai."*

The Captain turned towards the door as he opened a connection to the bridge. "Change to standing orders: Do **not** bring curios from the planet onto the Arcadia. Especially, do not bring any more of the shells you're been using as poker chips onto the ship. If any **are** on the ship now, bring them to Material Testing Lab, immediately. End."

Harlock stuck the oddly disturbing toothed shell into a belt pouch and started for the ship, motioning for Cat to follow

.

*"Roger", or "Yes _Sir"_ with a sarcastic tone in this group of pirates.


	5. Investigation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlock's bad feeling about those "shells" on the planet turns out to be right.

Harlock and Cat met Tochiro in the Materials Testing Lab. Harlock glanced down at Cat. "You know where the isolation bins are?" She nodded, "Yes Captain." "Then carefully pull out that sample in your pocket and put it in an isolation box."

Harlock handed his example to Tochiro. Tochiro flipped it over a couple times then tapped it on the lab counter. "Metal, I think. What is it, Harlock?" Harlock shooks his head. "Apparently, no one knows. And I don't want to bias you with my guesses.

Tochiro scraped a couple flakes off and put them in an analyzer, humming tonelessly. Then he picked up the shell and tossed it in the isolation bin. Grabbed one of a different type, repeated the alloy sample. Did it again a third time. "Harlock," he said, "I'm getting an ugly suspicion about these things."

"Yeah," Harlock replies.

Tochiro placed the last sample flat on a tray made of radiation resistant glass, then put it in the bed of a larger sensor device.

He screamed when he saw the screen.

"What the hell? Why is this planet seeded with nanotech machines?"

Harlock sighed, his head dropping. "And how many other places have the ships here carried it to?

Harlock slumped back against the wall as Tochiro started shouting orders to his new minion. "Cat! Get me another isobin! and a thin sheet of ship's hull plating! Chief Maji can get it for you! Tell him you want the 3-5cm thick stuff, maybe 10cm square."

Harlock closed his eyes and contemplated the malice of the universe against simple pirates as Cat left at a run. _We just needed two more days to finish repairs and get out here. But the Universe had to serve up another helping of weirdness._

A half hour later, Tochiro and Harlock were standing in front of Chief Maji, waving a tablet with the _thing_ displayed on it as Maji, First Mate Yattaran and Tochiro shouted. "That doesn't matter!" Maji was shouting. "What do we **DO** with the ones already on the ship?" Harlock was getting a headache. "Set them on fire and toss them out the lock?"

Yattaran grinned, "Now see, that's the type of solution **I** would come up with. But we really need something less potentially damaging to the ship." Harlock made a face. "You know I'm going to have to talk to the colony governor as soon as the tests are done. Even if he's ignorant of what's going on, he needs to know they're potentially seeding hostile nanotech onto every ship that makes port here." Tochiro frowned as well. "Which means it'd be best if we had a solution before you had that talk."

Tochiro's earbud chirped to life: "Uh Boss, I think you need to see this."

The whole crowd trooped back into the lab to find Cat adjusting the large display. "That sample you had me put in the detector sitting on top of a piece of hull sheet? I've got bad news..."

The plate was covered with many copies of the original spiral, all of varying sizes. It looked like the things were **growing** in there, like mushrooms. Or a toxic bloom.

Yattaran threw his hands up. "Well that does it. Looks like an infestation."


	6. How Do We Get Rid of Them?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can this drunken holiday possibly get any worse for Captain Harlock? Let's find out!

_If there were a God of Drunks, Gamblers and Fools, They would find Themself in good company among your crew._

In one of the larger labs, a discussion brewed, occasionally boiling up into shouts and frustration. "How the hell do we get rid of these things?" Harlock asked his team of geniuses.

Tochiro pulled at his hair. "Dismantling a few may be necessary to characterize the threat, but it's potentially very dangerous."

"We don't even know yet if these things are confined to only inorganics, "Dr. Zero added.

So then the discussion turned to "How shall we destroy these things?" Something much easier for pirates. "Bashing them?" the Captain asked. "No," answered Chief Engineer Maji, "while attractive, that solution leaves tiny pieces that can infect the ship."

Cat finally asked in a small voice, "They're metal? Can we melt them?"

Tochiro gave his new student an interested look. "It'd have to be hot enough to destroy the molecular patterning."

Cat frowned, "So why not dump them in the reactor? It's hotter than a lot of stars are."

Everyone turned to look at her in horror. "It's _nanotech!"_ Tochiro shouted. His expression clearly said what a stupid idea he thought it was. _"_ Even tiny bits of these things may be the inorganic equivalent of prions."

Cat's mouth dropped open, appalled. "Oh shit," she said, sliding down in her seat. "Sorry. No nanobits in the reactor."

Tochiro relented, "Don't feel bad. This is your first time dealing with evil planet-destroying tech. You'll get used to it."

Maji snorted, "Or she'll run away screaming and you'll need to find another student, _Professor._ "

Cat looked even more daunted. Harlock put a hand on her shoulder and said to her quietly, "This is what the _Arcadia_ does. We protect the Earth and humanity from the Machine Empire in hopes that one day, Earth can be restored. And keep all organic life from being swallowed up." Cat leaned back to stare at him. Harlock's grip on her shoulder tightened. "Fight for your own reasons. But know what it is we fight."

As Cat left to check their testing, Harlock caught Tochiro staring at him, his face pale and sad. Harlock said to him in an undertone, "that was surprisingly gentle of you."

Tochiro gave him a quizzical look.

"Your attitude with students," Harlock continued, "is usually _You can do anything as long as it's not stupid. Do something stupid and I'll slap you across the room."_

Tochiro made a sour face. "Better than letting them be stupid and mopping up the bloody remains afterwards." He shrugged irritably, "What's your damn point, Harlock?"

"For the last few weeks, other than the paintball game, you haven't stirred out of the labs or Central Computing. Is there a problem?"

Tochiro twitched guiltily, jerking his gaze away from his foster brother. "It-it's nothing. I'm upgrading _Arcadia's_ computer systems. And now this mess. Which we still need to come up with a solution for." Harlock let go of Tochiro and his doubts for the moment.

Maji and Tochiro eventually decided that the best thing to do was to fully characterize the reproduction cycle of these **nanobarnacles**. If they could find something that kept them from copying, they might be able to use it to keep the barnacles seeding other ships and planets. Even just finding a way to keep them from attaching would slow down the infestation. And disposal in space by grav bomb was being held as a last ditch solution for getting rid of polyps already on the ship.

Leaving the techies to their work, Harlock went to have a talk to the governor. The first thing he saw as he rounded the corner from the ramp was a crowd of his drunken crew and the locals. He could see a lot of them were holding pipes, huge wrenches, long-handled farming implements, what looked like sporting tools and even a sword or two. _Crap! Okay, not a fight. They're playing_ _ **Smashball**_ _ **?!**_

Harlock could hear crashes and tinkles as the "batter" swung. _Please don't let them be using plates and glasses from the bar._

A few steps closer, and it was clear the "pitcher" was throwing disk-like objects with a metallic sheen.

_Oh they did_ _**not!** _ _Damn them to a black hole without a suit! They_ **_are_ ** _! They're using the damn_ _nanobarnacles_ _as targets! Shit! The plates would have been better than this!_

Harlock stomped up behind the batter. _Of course, it had to be Tommy. The poor kid will faint if I yell at him. New approach called for._

He reached out and plucked the ginormous wrench out of Tommy's hands.hands.

"Here kid, let me have that," he said, managing to keep his voice flat. Tommy ran for the safety of numbers in the crowd. The other players gradually fell silent.

"I believe I gave orders not to bring any more of those shells onto the Arcadia. As I have no need for **completely stupid** members on my crew, let me pose you a question: now that you've scattered pieces of shells everywhere, do you think you can get back onboard _Arcadia_ without tracking fragments in with you?" He lifted an eyebrow and allowed a cold smile to creep onto his face. The crowd stared back at him, paralyzed by the fear that the dangerous Captain Harlock was going to start beating them down if they moved. Or breathed too loud.

Harlock sighed, letting his shoulders droop. The wrench slipped out of his grip and clattered on the pavement.

"What we're going to do is this, dear crew. There will be a full decon set up at the foot of the ship's ramp. Anyone going onto Arcadia must go through it to remove all the shell powder and fragments." Harlock looked down, wriggling his fingers distastefully. "Which includes me." Then he looked back up and let his angry frustration show for just a second. "But the next person who brings those things," he violently scuffed his foot against the barnacle bits on the ground, "onto _Arcadia_ will be [keelhauled](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27967766)*!"

Harlock nodded to the crew and strode off, hearing random bits of conversation as people got the hell out of his way. "What does he mean by keelhauling?" "You don't want to know. Just don't piss off the Captain any more than he is right now."

As Harlock stomped away, he opened a com line to the ship and confirmed the order for decontamination protocol before ship entry. Doc Zero laughed, "It's just as well they gave you the excuse. We were going to have to this anyway. At least now, no one will dare to protest."

On his way to the Colony Governor's offices, Harlock pulled out a handkerchief and daintily plucked a decent sized barnacle off the ground, wrapping it up. _Might as well have another Show and Tell exhibit._

Getting into the offices was less trouble than expected. Possibly because the notorious pirate ship _Arcadia_ hadn't blown anything up yet. And possibly because the infamous Captain Harlock was here at the doors, looking impatient and possibly of a mind to skewer the first person who said "You can't go in there."

The Governor himself looked unsurprised to see him. "Captain Harlock. What trouble brings you to my office this early in the day? I thought you were a creature of night."

Harlock smiled thinly, "All rumors of my being undead are lies, sir. Mere embellishments on the legend. No, I am here to talk to you about **these,** " he said as he unwrapped the nanobarnacle in his grasp with a flourish.

The Governor looked flummoxed. "Uh. You want to talk to me about the shells all over this place. Why? Did someone find a use for them?"

Harlock gave the man a sardonic look. "Sadly yes. They appear to be nanotech spores planted by the Machine Empire to track ships back to habitable planets to mark them for invasion."

The Governor went white. "Wha-what? I've heard of no such thing!"

Harlock smirked. "Possibly because you're off the radar, so to speak? A reason why my pirate brethren and I, as well as smugglers and other ne'er do wells can dock here. No one would notice if those ships disappeared."

The Governor drew himself up, drawing on stores of hautiness he'd saved for dealing with ne'er do wells. "You are correct that we're off the beaten track here. But I know nothing of ship disappearances or connected colony invasions." The man leaned back, gesturing at the **WANTED** posters on the wall behind his desk. "Mr. Galactic Fugitive. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Harlock stomped his way back to _Arcadia_ and the decon line to get in. Lovely. Forced air blower and chemical solvent shower. And printed clothes until he could get back to his quarters. _I'd say that completes this cluster_ _fuck_ _, but I'm sure something else has gone wrong while I was gone..._

* * *

Extras:


	7. Recreational Use of Ecplosives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember how Tochiro recruited Cat? "You know you wanna blow things up!" Well, he may have picked the wrong time, place and manner of pursuing thar thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for late releases. Between the scramble for COVID19 vaccinations, allergy season and rain, I'm not keeping up with schedule as well as I'd hoped. 
> 
> And I hate drawing backgrounds. But the panels of the lab turned out awesome

Nothing had blown up or caught fire on the Arcadia. Harlock was cautiously optimistic that he might not have to keelhaul anyone once they made orbit. But there was over a day to go before then, and his idiots were so very inventive when it came to drunken mischief. Time to check on Tochiro, and make sure Cat hadn't run screaming from her new post.

In the Materials Testing Lab, Cat set up experiments at breakneck speed, as Tochiro snapped out instructions.

"We'll want a set on doped hull plate, on circuit stratra, on a cable wrapped around the holding plate a bunch of times to give us a larger reaction surface. And some of the walkway surface material. That's a start. We should probably check hardsuits too, but I don't know if we have one that's already out of service. Chief Maji will know." Tochiro waved a terminal to life and started arguing with Maji at full volume. Harlock walked into the blast of shouting voices.

Cat set up experiment trays and placed them on the bed of the large test array, three shells to each tray. She bobbed her head at Harlock. "Captain. It'll be interesting to see if the different types of parasites compete with each other," she said, pitching her voice to stay under the argument still raging on the other side of the lab. "This is starting to feel like working in the teraforming labs again."

Tochiro apparently _could_ hear them, because he spun around and held a hand up in between Cat and Harlock's faces. "Wait. You worked in Teraforming?"

Cat blinked. "Yeah, Whenever we got something from the native environment gumming up our machinery." She made a rude noise. "Before the Machine Men took the planet away from us and trashed the place." The two men winced.

Tochiro put a hand on Cat's wrist. "We're trying to keep that from happening to other planets. Can you think of any new problem that came up just before your colony was invaded?" Cat sank into the chair next to the control terminal, her head lowered. Tochiro kept hold of her wrist, and Harlock put a big hand on her shoulder. "Just breathe," Harlock told her softly. "Remember the work," Tochiro added.

Cat blew out a shuddering breath and let the tension go with it.

"We didn't see parasite organisms so much as overgrowth. Toxic blooms." She leaned back into Harlock, her eyes closed. "A few weeks before the invasion, we had a slime-like overgrowth on the big radio and warp transmission dishes."

Tochiro almost buzzed with excitement. "they were affecting the metals in the dish?"

Cat blinked and focused on Tochiro. "Not exactly. The **big** dishes were tuned cavities dug into the ground with gravity extractors, then wires and a reflector strung over or through the cavity to focus the waves on the actual transmitter and receiver. With earth-type flora, we'd expect to see molds and fungus trying to grow there. What **we** got was this horrible, acidic slime. The crap dissolved pretty much anything we tried to put down to suppress it."

Tochiro started to pace as he thought about chemical compounds. "I can think of a few materials we can try to prevent the barnacles from attaching to surfaces. And maybe one or two that _might_ prevent them from replicating, though we've never had good luck on that front. Did you ever find **any** compounds that worked?" Cat opened her mouth to answer when Tochiro stumbled as he turned to pace back again. Harlock caught him and gently set Tochiro down in a chair. He gave his foster brother a dark look. "It's nothing!" Tochiro protested. "Really."

Harlock bit his lip, then nodded. They were all tired. Cat grabbed her tablet and started swiping through files. "I know it's here somewhere. I took notes on the really whacked stuff that came through our unit. Give me a few minutes, Professor Oyama." Harlock pointed at Tochiro. _You. Stay put._ Tochiro made a rude gesture at him, but kept his ass in the seat, so Harlock let him be.

On the walk back to his quarters Harlock mused that if he was very lucky, he might get two hour's worth of sleep before something else exploded. In his quarters he ditched his cloak, weapons belts and boots, then poured himself a glass of wine. He was increasingly afraid something was wrong with Tochiro, but his brother of the heart wasn't talking. Just thinking about losing Tochiro was painful to Harlock. He almost couldn't remember a time before Tochiro was there beside him. What could be wrong with the little engineer?

Harlock downed his wine and put the glass down on the table. Nothing he could do about it now, and he needed sleep **desperately** before he started making mistakes. Well, worse ones.

He set his watch's alarm for two hours and sank down on the bed. Just a little sleep..

_***bleep-beep*** _

Harlock's eyes snapped open. That wasn't his watch. He groped on the bedside table for his earbud. "Harlock here. What is it?" he mumbled. _Please, not another disaster._

"We've got something!" Tochiro practically shrieked in his ear. Harlock winced as he turned the volume down, but this sounded like good news. "What did you find, my friend?" From the sound, Tochiro was bouncing all over the lab in excitement. "Cat, magnificent lady, found the compounds they used on the alien toxic bloom before the Machine Men invaded. It's something we can synthesize! It even looks like it might work to keep the nanobarnacles from adhering! _Hurry, hurry!"_ Harlock heard Cat's voice saying faintly, " _I_ ** _am_** _hurrying! And quit poking me, Boss Man or I may_ ** _accidentally_** _elbow you in the head!"_ He grinned. At least she was getting used to Tochiro. "Okay," he said into the mic, "What's that mean for us right now?"

"Oh, means we have to run another set of tests in the big sealed unit," Tochiro chirped. "It'll probably be another 6 to 8 hours before we can be **sure** this is the answer." Harlock sighed. "Well, we have at least that long on repairs, then 12 hours for the repair teams to go outside. Or just drink and fall over in exhaustion. But I'd rather not take off with everyone either drunk, hungover, or too tired to get the drink to their mouth. So you've still got some time."

"The joys of a ship of drunks."

"They're sailors. That's a big _duh_ Tochiro. Worse, they're pirates. Of course they live to drink and drink to live. But they manage to be sober when we need them."

He could almost hear Tochiro's smile. "Deep Black sailors, all. _Hey Mr. Boss Man, quit flirting with the Captain! This batch is done and I can't do any more until you move the cases into the unit!_ " Both Harlock and Tochiro yelled, "Hey!" in unison, which more or less proved Cat's point about them. "I'll be down," Harlock ended the call with a grin. _Sounds like Cat's fitting in well at her new post._ _Oh hells, that was barely 90 minutes of sleep. Maybe Miss_ _Masu_ _has coffee on. Or will make some if I look pitiful enough._

The Captain rolled out of bed and into his boots, grabbing up his weapons belts as he stood. In almost a single motion, he clicked the belts fasted around his narrow hips, then swept his cloak around him. He was already moving towards the door as he closed the fastener.

There was coffee in the galley. Miss Masu took one look at him and poured out a large mug of black wakeup potion, sugar, no cream. "Have you slept at all since we got here, Captain?" she asked. Harlock smiled ruefully, "I was trying to get some downtime when I was woken again." Masu frowned at him. "Captain. Even young men like you need to sleep occasionally." Harlock sighed, taking another sip of coffee and closed his eye for a moment. Opened again, and shook his head gently at Masu. "It's the curse of a sailor's life. I'll find some time to really sleep after we're underway again." Masu gave him a little smile and moved on. _Finish the coffee. Get moving again._

By the time Harlock made it down to the Materials Lab, he'd woken up enough to notice things around him. Like the open door to the lab and loud **pop** and wisp of smoke that drifted out. And the crash. Then Cat yelling at the top of her lungs, "What the ever loving **_fuck_** , Tochiro?"

Harlock began to run. _Shit. And they had been getting along so well a few minutes ago._

Harlock skidded to a halt in front of the door and edged in to see what the hell was happening now. The scene that met his eye gave him pause.

Cat was kneeling on the floor behind her chair. Tochiro was sitting across the lab in front of another set of screens, turned round to face Cat (and the door). Cat looked back as Harlock stepped in, and Tochiro _threw_ something yelling, "Catch!"

Harlock's hands came up automatically to bat away what he suspected Tochiro had thrown. Cat, while still half turned reached a hand out and plucked the round object out of the air. And threw it back, her head turning to track Tochiro's position as she released the thing. Tochiro's mouth opened comically wide as he pitched out of his seat to shelter under the lab bench.

_**BANG** _

The practice grenade hit the wall about level with where Tochiro's head had been and broke open with a small puff of smoke. And confetti.

"You motherfucker! You play catch with **grenades?** Gonna ram one of those--" Harlock lunged forward and caught Cat by the shoulder before the girl could leap on Tochiro and beat the snot out of him. He gave Tochiro a disparaging look. "Confetti? Really?"

Tochiro looked out from his spot under the bench. "It's just paper. And everything in here is sealed in isobins."

Harlock felt a headache comimg on. "But still, Tochiro."

Cat pulled at his grip a little and snarled, "I'm not cleaning that up, Boss Man. You made the mess, you clean it." _Or she'll beat you black and blue, no doubt,_ Harlock added mentally.

Tochiro crawled out from under the lab bench, dusted himself off, then righted his overturned chair. He looked back over his shoulder to make sure Harlock was still restraining his irritated lab assistant, then climbed up into his chair and made a rude gesture, simultaneously pushing a button on the virtual keyboard in front of him. There was a confirmation _be-beep_ and a sweeper bot whirred out of a compartment in the bulkhead and began to vacuum up the bits of brightly colored paper.

Cat suddenly sagged in Harlock's grasp with a groan. "Sweeper bots. Fück. We're going to have to clean out every one of those on the ship, aren't we?"

Tochiro made a rude noise. "Damn. Add it to the list."

Harlock asked, "And the filters?"

Tochiro answered, "Already on the list."

Cat continued, "Because we knew we'd be the ones crawling through the vents. There are what, three? Four? Other crew members small enough to fit in there. So no question we'll be on that detail."

Harlock let go of her so he could rub his eye. "Very good. Anything else?"

Tochiro gave his friend a pitying look. "Not until we get the test results back."

The Captain nodded, "Try and get some sleep before then." He frowned down at Cat. "No killing Tochiro, no matter what he's done. We need him. And he's your boss. I don't want to have to put you in line for _Stupidest Pirate Gets Keelhauled_ with the competition as heavy as it is already." With that, he made his escape, hoping for at least another hour's worth of sleep.

* * *

**Extra**

Tochiro's new assistant, Cat.


End file.
